Tag Archives: Winnipeg Jets

An Open Letter to Alexis

I’ve been thinking about it, and I decided to create a list of the many benefits of adopting me right now or sometime in the future. I realize it’s a bit unusual for a grown man to ask to be adopted, but I implore you to consider it and hopefully see that it will be nothing but beneficial for both you and your husband, Hiroshi.

1. No pregnancies, no birthing process. You wouldn’t have to suffer carrying me for nine months. You wouldn’t have to pay a doula either for whatever it is they do.

You wouldn’t have to worry about breastfeeding! I’ve known you forever and I know you don’t like me like that. Also, I was never breastfed as a child so I really wouldn’t know what I was missing. To be quite honest, I’ve developed a bit of lactose intolerance throughout the years. Maybe because I wasn’t breastfed as a child, who knows?

2. You wouldn’t have to worry about toilet-training me, teaching me how to walk, etc. I can go to the bathroom by myself, I shower twice a day, and not only can I walk, I can also drive, and my license is good for both South Korea and North America.

I’m a very poor swimmer though, so in an emergency situation, I will probably drag us both down to our deaths.

3. My mom has sadly passed away over ten years ago and my dad is never in the country I’m currently in. I’m practically an orphan.

4. No need to save up for college. I already graduated from university twice, so you’re saving quite a bit. You don’t have to help me with my student loans either. You can always send me back to school if you want to though. You want me to grow up to be a doctor or a lawyer? Sure, I’ll go back to school. I don’t mind. I’ll be one of those Asian kids who overdo it in school if you want me to.

5. I am a brown man who can go either light brown or really dark depending on how much sun I get. Just ask my wife. So I can look Filipino, Hispanic, Indian, Indonesian, or Aboriginal. Seriously, I’ve been confused for so many races in the past. So that’s quite a wide range of options for race for your kid.

6. I’ve met Hiroshi twice already and get along with him. I also get along well with the Lerouxs, except maybe Richard. I’ve had a couple of classes with him in high school, but he was never in my circle of friends. Anyway, I’d be the perfect person to have a beer with Hiroshi. I could also go head to head with him when it comes to eating. What a proud father he would be!

7. Wendy loves me! We could hang out and have coffee and just shoot the breeze. It’ll be kinda weird to call her grandma, so I probably wouldn’t do that.

8. Don’t you want a son who shares your love for the Winnipeg Jets? I’m open minded about basketball, but I could never love any team from Ontario, so the Raptors are out.

9. I’m patriotic as hell. If I could, I would kiss Canada in the mouth (with her permission, of course. #metoo #woke). I love Canada so much that I instinctively mention if something is Canadian. I do this so much that it bothers my wife. “Who cares if Anne Murray is Canadian?!” Well, I find it amazing that they are playing ‘You Needed Me’ in a bus in Seoul. I mean, who the fuck knows Anne Murray in Korea?!

I vote and keep up with news both in Canada and in the world. If you care to talk about politics, I could do that. I am also mindful to avoid talking about politics or to tolerate opposing views. I’m not a baby who would insist that voting conservative will save the country from liberal depravity. And no, I don’t listen to Jordan Peterson, but I would politely tolerate the presence of someone who is a fan of his while quietly thinking to myself that I am in the company of an idiot.

10. I’ve gotten over my awkward teens, so you don’t have to worry about that. No need to have an awkward birds and the bees talk either. And to be quite honest, I never had the birds and the bees talk with my real dad either. He just showed me a page of a Playboy magazine, telling me, “This is what you want, boy.” I think he was afraid of me turning gay.

Anyway, I’m not gay, and I hope you’re okay with that and accept me for what I am. You don’t have to worry about me being bullied or falling in with the wrong crowd. You don’t have to worry about me being a nerd either, that is, unless you consider someone who enjoys musicals as being a nerd, because I do enjoy musicals.

I’m also done with my wild phase during my 20s. You were witness to some of that, and that Joe is long dead and gone. You wouldn’t have to worry about me getting into any shenanigans. What you’ll get now is a son who is pragmatic, experienced enough about life, who is tired of living but is unfortunately scared of of the grim specter of death.

11. Aside from childhood asthma I’ve long outgrown, I have no allergies or serious health issues. My real family has a history of diabetes, but I’ve been watching my diet. I exercise regularly and I believe I still weigh the same as I have for over ten years. One thing however, I have grandparents who died from cancer, relatives who died from cancer, and my mother died from cancer. Do you see a pattern here?

I believe death runs in my family.

12. My grammar and spelling are impeccable. I am an advocate of the Oxford comma, but due to my time as an editor in Korea, I often spell “theater” not “theatre” along with other words that end in “re/er.” Bonus points however, I use the word “nonplussed” accurately.

13. Unlike a baby, I actually work and do things. I can do chores and pay bills.

I can feed myself and don’t make a fuss when I’m hungry. Heck, I even skip meals when the need arises or when I feel like it. No tears about it. No bothering mom and dad. Oh and I’m not a picky eater. I will try to eat anything at least once. I can’t stand pumpkin blossoms though. Yeah, it’s unusual, but pumpkin blossoms are vile.

14. I am already married but have no interest in kids. Now, you might think that’s a bad thing, but that also means I won’t be getting some teenage girl pregnant and you won’t suddenly be a grandma at a young age.

15. I am quite handy around the house, unlike other babies. I can fix things and often use the Internet to solve problems by myself. I’ve unclogged toilets and drains, fixed refrigerators and washing machines, dealth with bug infestations, etc. Infants can’t do that, They’re useless!

16. I am a Roman Catholic but I don’t regularly attend church. I could sit through church however without making a fuss. And no, I won’t push my religion on you nor try to save your soul or Hiroshi’s from the eternal flames of damnation. I am no evangelist. I just consider Jesus as a personal friend and savior.

Well, that’s all I could think of for now. Please think about it. If you have any questions, just message me or whatever. Unlike babies, I can actually use a phone.

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The Maple House

Maple House

I was ready to do my best Gordon Ramsey and rip the restaurant apart. The fact that the first thing I saw was a promotion for Guinness at the door didn’t do well for first impressions. The last time I checked, Guinness was Irish. I was afraid that the restaurant would be what I often found to be a lazy representation of Canada in food festivals in the Seoul. The last international food festival I went to, the Canadian stall was selling hot dogs, Budweiser, and churros. Pretty disappointing.

In any case, I kept an open mind. At the very least, I was hoping to find Canadian beer, particularly Alley Kat. At the most, I’d be surprised to see if they serve perogies. I’ m sure they will have poutine, as it is basically the go-to food that people here would often answer outside of maple syrup when asked what food comes from Canada.

Vancouver

The entrance was a good touch. Very Vancouver airport. I almost expected to see First Nations bone and soapstone sculptures. Instead of sculptures however, they had frames of Canadian cities and hockey teams.

Winnipeg Jets

The Winnipeg Jets is represented. Unfortunately, it reminded me of the lunacy of having a human rights museum in Downtown Winnipeg. If you want to attract tourists, why would you build a museum with such a depressing theme? “Forget Edmonton Mall! Let’s fly to Winnipeg instead and see the human rights museum!”

Jets losing

Inside on a giant screen, they’re showing a broadcast of the Jets losing to the Senators. This feels very familiar.

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The beer selection is pretty good. They have Alley Kat, which they used to serve in many bars in Seoul but later dropped by everyone. Some of the bars I frequent have been disappointing me lately with the quality of beer they serve. Either the selection of the beer on tap is unimpressive, or it’s not that cold, or they give me a headache. Maybe it’s the cleaning fluid or the nitrogen in the tanks to give it head. I don’t know. So far, from the selection alone, this looks like a good place to have a drink.

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I didn’t know that sriracha was particularly Canadian or that it would work well in a hot dog. Surprisingly, it was pretty good. Impressed.

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They had spinach dip. Again, something you don’t see in many places around Seoul.

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I tried the smoked duck with blueberry. It was pretty good. I would definitely order it again. The duck might be too rare for the locals. Duck in the country is often served on a grill and cooked to a crisp, so I’m not sure if people would like it as much as I did. I was quite surprised at how reasonable the price was considering the part of town we were in.

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They had a fair selection of poutine, but I wasn’t in a poutine mood.

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They had Nanaimo bars which is excellent. The spelling on the ingredients for Beaver Tail might seem like a mistake, but I believe I just found my awesome rap name: Cinammn.

Mail box

The mail box is a nice touch.

The food was impressive and the price was very reasonable. I would come here for the beer, but the food and the price of the food are just icing on the cake. The owner took great lengths to make it feel very Canadian. The hockey on screen is good. It’s just too bad that Canada’s been having a pretty terrible season. I’d definitely come here again to try some of the other items on the menu, I just hope that it doesn’t get too crowded once more people learn about the place.

In a scale of 1 to 5 Body Breaks in terms of Canadianness, I give it four.

Body Break Rating

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Like Ghosts

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So the Winnipeg Jets are out. We barely made it in the playoffs. I was hoping one win would at least legitimize our team being included the playoffs, but being swept by the Ducks kinda says it all. We weren’t ready for the playoffs at all. I’m a little bit disappointed, but following the Jets, I kinda expected something like this going in.

Looks like Keith Olbermann is also in the camp against Mayweather. I hear ya, Keith. But before you generously label Pacquiao as the better man, let me remind you that he is part of what keeps his home country poor, a “governor” who doesn’t know a thing about politics, someone who was used by former president Arroyo, another president whose years were plagued with corruption and fraud.  He’s one of the most absent congressman in the country. But when he’s not training or promoting fights, he’s voting against women’s rights and contraception. There’s no good man in that ring on Sunday.

An old episode of This American Life introduced me to the wonderful musical stylings of Jo Carol Pierce. In an episode titled “Teenaged Girls,” she talks about suicide and her relationships with men and Jesus. Rennie Sparks also tells the story about a girl growing up and dealing with peer pressure. She’s one half of The Handsome Family band which many people would know from the opening theme of True Detective. It’s great radio if you could find it, an enlightening look at the fairer sex, some awkward tales of growing up, all without getting too unsophisticatedly feminist about it.

Now I’m off to get my period.

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Suddenly Sports

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NHL playoffs.

Five Canadian teams have made it to the playoffs. To pairs have been set against each other, so regardless of the outcome, two Canadian teams will make it to the next round. Surprisingly, the Winnipeg Jets made it to the playoffs as well. They made it despite the Evander Kane controversy, and how many fans were predicting doom and gloom after they star was traded to the Sabres. Unfortunately, despite making it to the playoffs, the Jets have so far lost the first two games, all due to dumb shenanigans on the ice. The games have been quite physical, but the Ducks have been playing it smarter, keeping their defense tight and taking advantage of power plays.

A good friend of mine said that the Jets goalie, Pavelec, reminded her of their goalie from almost twenty years ago, Khabibulin. Both are stars, and the team hung on to them as their key to doing well in the playoffs. Unfortunately, goalies only keep the other team from scoring, and they can only block so many shots. The Jets have dragged behind the Ducks in shots taken. And if they don’t step up their game, and maybe keep the shenanigans to a minimum, then maybe we won’t be repeating the last time the Jets underperformed at the playoffs.

Here’s hoping we learn from our mistakes and score a win next game.

I don’t talk much about sports, but there’s only hockey, which I’ve grown to love the longer I’m away from Canada, and boxing.

The problem with the boxing is that as impressive as Wladimir Klitschko is, there just isn’t much media hype over heavy weight fights despite him being the undisputed heavyweight champion.  And as for the Mayweather vs Pacquiao match, I can’t  push myself to root for either fighter for reasons outside of the ring. Mayweather just comes off as a scumbag. There’s the domestic violence stuff, but there’s  also the obnoxious way he talks and flaunts his money around.

As for Pacquaio, I would argue he is worse than Mayweather despite maintaining a rather clean image. This is a man who doesn’t appear to be able to say no to anything. Who made him a congressman? No wonder the country is where it is at the moment. The man dropped out of high school (albeit due to poverty) and has no legislative background.  I realize the Philippines has a habit of electing celebrities to politics, but at some point a person has to say no and not take everything he’s offered. Also, his politics is dumb and disgusting. He is against same-sex marriage. He is also against the use of condoms, and abortion. That just won’t work in a country that’s over-populated and with high unemployment rate. I realize the country is mostly Catholic, but governments should be run by learned leaders, not by close-minded athletes and religious zealots.

Excellent fighters, horrible human beings.

Oh well. Back to hockey!

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