Tag Archives: Penthouse

Dumping the Girl

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And these “men’s lifestyle magazines” don’t even have pornography, they have less raunchier pictures of models and celebrities. Which is fine, but most of those pictures eventually find their way on the Internet. Do they have interesting articles? Not really. Most of these magazines have tips of pleasing the other sex that are as out of touch and redundant as Cosmopolitan’s. Their reviews on technology and whatever products they’re hawking or “amazing workout tips” are all available online from alternative dedicated sources. At least Playboy, Hustler, and Penthouse would sometimes have great interviews and articles. Also, all three publications have a history which has value, something I’m not sure Maxim has.

Before I go on a full rant, let me go back to Maxim Korea. They recently published probably the most offensive cover I’ve seen in a long while. I’m feminist in many issues, but I wouldn’t call myself a feminist (especially with the seemingly acidic tenor of the current generation of feminists). I admittedly objectify women at times, but it comes from a place of desire, even love of women. It comes from a primordial curiosity. I do not hate women. Women should be seen for all that they are, but there are also moments when women are there to be objectified. That’s just how the world works, and I’m sure the same thing is true about men to some extent as well.

But the cover of the September issue is nothing but pure misogyny.

Maxim

I find this a hundred times worse than Hustler and Penthouse at their raunchiest. How could a magazine editor be so out of touch? How come no one in the company thought this was a bad idea? Unless that is exactly the whole point of the cover: a stunt, a way to gain publicity regardless of the negative public outcry. Hustler caused quite a stir back in 1978 when it published a cover of a woman being fed to a grinder with the bottom reading “We will no longer hang women up like pieces of meat.” But Larry Flynt intended the cover to be a jab at criticisms of pornography.

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What is the Maxim cover about? It’s rather devoid of meaning. The woman in the cover serves much like an accessory and not much else. I don’t mind having people as accessories. People do it with men, women, and children, but as a “men’s lifestyle magazine,” the cover seems to depict nothing but violence against women. There’s no irony or social statement. If there was, I’m missing it entirely. I read it more as a complete domination of the opposite sex. It’s not enough that women serve as pretty clotheshorses and lust fodders inside the magazine, they get to be tied up and dumped in a trunk as well. If that’s not the message, then please, someone explain it to me because I don’t get it.

But let’s be honest, there is no message. The cover is creatively empty. The editor just wanted a bad boy image using the stereotypical Korean gangster fantasy (Korean gangsters DO NOT look like this) and put a woman in the trunk simply because that’s what you do in a men’s magazine, you put women in the magazine somehow. It’s just lame, dumb, and offensive. I don’t really have so much ill will against Maxim Korea and other “men’s lifestyle magazines,” but creatively empty, lazy, out of touch, and offensive covers makes the impending demise of some publications a tad pleasant for me.

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Porn For Freedom

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Still annoyed at the North Korean hacking thing. God help the poor people of North Korea. The shenanigans of the people in power of late are not really helping those that truly need help in that country. There is no win in this story. Here are a few thoughts:

-North Korea still denies they were involved at all, and proposes a joint investigation with the US, threatens the US if they don’t cooperate. I wonder how far I would go in life if I handled my affairs this way.

-I always liked George Clooney. His little petition, which was sadly left unsigned due to cowardice, proves just how much awesome that man is made of. I would write more about the ways he’s awesome, but I only have so little time for posting entries.

-God bless Larry Flynt. God bless pornography for all the things it brought us, from technology to freedoms. Larry Flynt just announced that he would be making a parody of The Interview. This is brilliant, both in its stand against censorship, also in its genius in marketing. This might be first porn movie I ever used real money on in years.

-Speaking of porn. See how the great men of pornography stand up for rights? There’s Bob Guccione, founder of Penthouse, artist, dreamer, social critic, and wearer of awesome medallions. He’s always been a hero of mine. Then there’s Larry Flynt, founder of Hustler, freedom of speech vanguard, political critic and provocateur. And finally, there’s Hugh Hefner who awards people for protecting First Amendment rights. Your pornography at work.

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Sex Stories for the People

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Saw an application for a job writing for a Website. It calls for writing of a sexual nature, be it health, relationships, stories, etc. Like any warm-blooded man, I’m interested in sex. Heck, I could spend days talking and writing about it. But then I looked at the Website and I noticed that most of the entries are submissions of people regarding their adventurous sexual encounters, a Penthouse Forum of sorts. And that’s when I lost interest. I’m not one to judge the joys of reading sexual fiction, and yes, they are mostly sexual fiction, but I realize I don’t have A. the urge to write such fiction (the imagination, yes. the drive to create fiction designed to turn readers on, no.) and B. the real experiences that are truly unique and exciting. In fact, I think while most of my stories could be considered interesting, I don’t think they’re very exciting.

Well, looking at A. I’ve never been one to share stories and such. I’ve never felt the need to brag, nor have I ever felt the need to share stories “that’ll get my buddies going.” It’s just not my style. Sure, I’ve shared pornography in my youth, but I don’t watch videos in the basement with my friends. That happened once and I had to excuse myself after one of my friends started getting too comfortable with himself.

As for B. Most of my sex stories are kind of sad. Here’s an example. I’ll skip descriptions and flowery language and just go right to the meat and bones.

A friend of mine was with someone who he had been with a few times before. They don’t really know much about each other except for the fact that they like how things worked when they both don’t have their clothes on. Now, that friend thought he was the luckiest guy in the world. The woman, he thought, was a nine. Best of all, it was stress-free relations with no strings attached. Wonderful.

One night, after a few minutes of doing what they do, he laid down on the bed and started getting sleepy. He dozed off for a few minutes and woke up with her looking straight at him. She was right next to him, naked and just relaxing. He asked her, “Hey, what are you looking at?” expecting something cheesy like, “oh nothing, just looking at you. I love looking at you sleep” or whatever. Something women would say.

She said, “I’m just thinking of my baby in heaven.”

This startled him and he asked what she meant. He was half-asleep and he wasn’t sure if he heard her right.

She said, it was nothing. “Forget about it.”

He left her apartment wondering what that was all about, whether he imagined the whole thing, or if some tragedy led her into being what she is now, an attractive woman willing to sleep with him. The whole story brings to mind all the circumstances that led people to our lives, whether it be good, bad, or tragic. In my friend’s case, he wondered if a “baby” being “in heaven” led one to him.

Now, how does that story sound? Does it titillate?

 

 

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