Category Archives: drawing

Suicide, it’s a suicide!

Not my proudest moment, but I flirted with suicide last night. I’m not going to go into details, but I was in a really bad place and I just tested the waters, trying to see if I could ultimately check out.

가장 자랑스러운 순간은 아니지만 어제 밤에 자살해봤습니다. 세부 사항은 다루지 않겠지만 저는 정말 안 좋은 곳 이었는데 그것을 시도했습니다.

The truth is, I’m actually a pretty awful person. Aside from being horribly cynical, I’m increasingly depressed, have low self-esteem, hedonistic, self-centered, no dreams for the future, not to mention I have a crippling sex addiction (which probably stems from low self-esteem and self-hating issues). Ultimately, I tend to be pretty shitty to the people closest to me. And quite frankly, they are probably much better off not getting caught up in my bullshit in the first place.

사실은 저는 정말 꽤 끔찍한 사람이요. 냉소적 인 것 외에도 저는 점점 우울 해지고, 자존감이 낮고, 쾌락 주의적이며, 자기 중심적이며, 미래에 대한 꿈이 없으며, 심각한 섹스 중독이 도 있어요. (아마도 낮은 자존감과 자기 증오 문제에서 기인 할 것이요). 궁극적으로 저는 가장 가까운 사람들에게 꽤 나쁘게 경향이 있어요. 그리고 솔직히, 그들은 아마도 처음에 내 헛소리에 빠지지 않는 것이 훨씬 낫어요.

As I mentioned before, I’m only good in small doses. Anything more, and you get to see how awful a person I am. But that’s for people around me though. Unfortunately, I am the person I live with. The call is coming from inside the house. It’s awful. And last night, my self-loathing got to the level of low-stakes suicidal tryouts.

앞서 언급했듯이 저는 소량 만 잘해요. 그 이상이면 내가 얼마나 끔찍한 지 알게되요. 하지만 그것은 내 주변 사람들을위한 것이요. 불행히도 제 자신을 함께 사는 사람이요. 집 안에서 전화가 오고 있어요. 끔찍 해요. 그리고 어젯밤, 저의 자기 혐오감은 자살 시도 수준에 이르렀어요.

The thing is, coming out of it, I’m not sure if I’m happy I didn’t succeed. And I’m not sure I won’t try again either. I’ve been having suicidal fantasies for years now. I’ve been rehearsing different scenarios over and over again on my head, weighing the pros and cons, etc. I even wrote romantically about it a couple of times. But the dumb thing is, when I finally attempted one scenario, I came away with nothing. Just back to the fantastical drawing board.

그것에서 나오는데, 성공하지 못했어 내 행복하지가 잘 모르겠어요. 그리고 다시 시도할 거야. 수년 동안 자살에 대한 환상을 가지고 있어요. 여러 시나리오를 머리 위에서 반복해서 연습하고 장단점 등을 비교했어요. 그것에 대해 몇 번 로맨틱하게 썼어요. 그러나 멍청한 것은 마침내 한 시나리오를 시도했을 때 아무것도 얻지 못했어요. 환상적인 드로잉 보드로 돌아가요.

Now, this isn’t a cry for help. This is just me writing things the way they are in my head. I’m an awful person who hurts others, and last night, I tried to hurt myself. That’s just the way it is. No lessons learned, no interesting insights. I don’t need people’s help either. And if you talk to me in person about it, I will wave it off and spin a different but far more interesting tale. Maybe I’ll tell you a long drawn out joke as a distraction. Ever heard of the suicidal moth? What about the systemic racism in the world of olives?

자, 이것은 도움을 구하는 외침이 아니요. 이것은 내 머릿속에있는 그대로 쓰는 것뿐이요. 저는 상처를주는 끔찍한 사람인데 어젯밤에 자신을 다치게하려고 했어요. 그것이 바로 그 방법이요. 배운 교훈도, 흥미로운 통찰력도 없어요. 사람들의 도움이 필요하지 않아요. 그리고 그것에 대해 나에게 직접 이야기한다면, 저는 그것을 훨씬 더 흥미로운 이야기를 회전시킬 것이요. 주의를 산만하게하는 긴 농담을 말할 것이요. 자살 나방에 대해 들어 본 적이 있어요? 올리브 세계의 조직적 인종 차별은 어떼요?

This is just my version of r/SuicideWatch, so don’t be too alarmed. And quite frankly, if I do succeed, the keyword is “succeed.” It would be a pleasant surprise that no one should be mourning over. BTW, this thing I’m in is no one’s fault but mine. I screw things up, I make myself miserable, and I just make things worse. It’s all me. 

이것은 r/SuicideWatch의 제 버전 일 뿐이므로 너무 놀라지 마세요. 그리고 솔직히 내가 성공하면 키워드는“성공”이요. 아무도 슬퍼하지 말아야한다는 것은 즐거운 놀라움이 될 거예요. BTW, 내가있는 것은 누구의 잘못이 아니라, 내 잘못이요. 저는 일을 망치고 자신을 비참하게 만들고 상황을 더 악화시켜. 다 나야.

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The Myth of Sisyphus

I started watching this Korean drama entitled, “Sisyphus, the Myth.” I’m only two episodes in and I’m already not liking it. I can’t stand Tony Stark and the Tony Stark fantasy. I can’t stand how Koreans and Marvel fans love and worship the idea of a genius billionaire, when billionaires should be villified for hoarding wealth. The main character is basically a Tony Stark type and the first episode couldn’t help but cheese me out a bit in building him up. The filming and the writing, while very ambitious, also reeked of ambitiousness. It’s very hard to explain, but it reminds me of the first two episodes of Star Trek Picard, with the mixture of action, mystery, and plot holes.

한국 드라마 ‘Sisyphys, the Myth’을 보기 시작 했어요. 2 화 밖에 안 보아는데 벌써 좋아하지 않은것 같아요. Tony Stark와 Tony Stark의 환상을 참을 수 없어요. 억만 장자가 부를 축적해야하는 상황에서 한국인과 Marvel 팬들이 천재 억만 장자에 대한 아이디어를 어떻게 사랑하고 숭배하는지 이해 할 수 없어요. 주인공은 기본적으로 Tony Stark 유형이며 첫 번째 에피소드는 그는 약간이 즘 너무 진부해요. 촬영과 글쓰기는 매우 야심적이면서도 야심이 넘쳤어요. 설명하기는 매우 어렵지만, 액션, 미스터리, 이야기의 불일치 혼합 된 Star Trek Picard의 처음 두 에피소드를 생각 나게했어요.

So instead of the drama “Sisyphus, the Myth,” let me just quickly discuss “The Myth of Sisyphus” instead, a book by Camus, the one which I suspect the writers borrowed the title from. As I understood it, the book looks at absurdist philosophy. Life is essentially absurd. We toil all of our lives and the world constantly brings us unexpected hardships. And the closer we are to achieving our dreams as we age, for the lucky few that is, the closer we are to death. Now, looking at the absurd nature of life, isn’t the most logical solution suicide? After all, if you’re in an absurd relationship or stuck in an absurd job, isn’t the most logical solution to just quit?

그래서 드라마 “Sisyphus, the Myth”대신에, Camus의 책인 “The Myth of Sisyphus”에 대해 간단히 이야기하겠습니다, 그 드라마를 제목이 빌린 것으로 의심됬어요. 내가 이해했듯에 이 책은 터무니없는 철학을 본이요. 인생은 본질적으로 터무니 없어요. 우리는 모든 삶을 일하며 세상은 끊임없이 예상치 못한 어려움을 겪서요. 그리고 우리가 나이가 들어감에 따라 꿈을 이루는 데 가까울수록 죽음에 가까워집니다. 자, 인생의 어리석은 본질을 보면 가장 논리적 인 해결책은 자살 아니애요? 헊시, 어리석은 관계에 있거나 어리석은 직업에 갇혀 있다면 그만두는 가장 논리적 인 해결책이 아닙니까?

Now, I’m guessing the Korean drama will be touching up on the absurdity of life since the show deals with time travel, etc. But yeah, that’s the last time I mention that show.

이제 그 드라마가 time travel등을 다룬 쇼이기 때문에 인생의 부조리에 대한 이야기가 될 것 같아요. 하지만, 이게 그 드라마에 대해 마지막으로 말해요.

But thinking about aging and death. I suppose this is the reason why young people are generally seen as more attractive than people who are more mature. Forget biology and the ability to procreate. Young people are much farther from death than people who are older. The touch of death, as it starts getting in people’s skin, they become less attractive.

그러나 노화와 죽음에 대해 생각하며, 이것이 젊은이들이 일반적으로 더 성숙한 사람들보다 더 매력적으로 여겨지는 이유라고 생각해요. 생물학과 번식 능력을 잊으십시오. 젊은 사람들은 나이가 많은 사람들보다 죽음에서 훨씬 더 멀렸어요. 사람들이 죽음의 손길와 냄세를 피부에 들어가기 시작하면서 덜 매력적이됬어요.

Another thing which I found interesting about the book is the idea that “if the world were not absurd, art would not exist.” This is similar to the old idea of art illuminating truths, that artists see the world in a certain way, and use art to express the truths that they see. These all sound very lofty, which makes me wonder why artists are often undervalued as a calling or profession. Unless you’re making millions out of your art, it’s often just treated as a quirky hobby.

이 책에서 흥미로운 또 다른 점은“세상이 어리석지 않으면 예술은 존재하지 않을 것”이라는 생각이요. 이것은 예술이 진실을 말하는 오래된 아이디어가 비슷해요. 예술가들은 세상을 특정한 방식으로 보고, 그들이 보는 진실을 표현하기 위해 예술을 사용해요. 이것들은 모두 매우 고상하게 들리는데, 왜 예술가들이 자주 부름이나 직업으로 저평가되는지 궁금해요. 예술로 수백만 달러를 벌지 않는 한, 그것은 보통 그냥 흥미로운 취미로 취급되요.

Actually, this kinda reminds me of an episode of Peep Show, where a woman was complaining about all of the bad news on the news, “What about the good news? The news where things actually went well?” Well, if the news was like that, it would just be a long, insufferable list of observations of things functioning as they are. The news needs tragedy, otherwise it won’t be news. That’s why I can’t stand news that aren’t really news, like the announcement of the oldest person in the world. There will always be a new oldest person in the world. As Camus would probably attest, the oldest person in the world is probably the one closest to death.

사실, 이것은 Peep Show의 에피소드를 생각 나게해 한 여성이 뉴스의 모든 나쁜 소식에 대해 불평하고 있어요. “좋은 뉴스은 어떻습니까? 실제로 잘된 뉴스?” 글쎄요, 만약 뉴스가 그랬다면, 그것이 그대로 기능하는 것에 대한 관찰의 길고 참을 수없는 목록 일 것이요. 뉴스에는 비극이 필요해요. 그렇지 않으면 뉴스가 아니요. 그래서 세상에서 가장 나이 많은 사람의 발표처럼 진짜 뉴스가 아닌 뉴스를 싫어요. 항상 세상에서 가장 오래된 사람이있을 것이요. Camus가 생각했듯이 세상에서 가장 나이 많은 사람은 아마도 죽음에 가장 가까운 사람 일 것이요.

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Another Book No One Will Buy

Over the weekend, I was finalizing the design for a book I’m compiling. This is the second time I published a book and god bless Canada for letting citizens publish books and have free ISBNs, essentially encouraging everyone to be publishers. If I had known this when I was in high school, I would’ve published my horrible comic books with my buddy Duane. And now that I’m much older, I’m publishing my horrible art.

주말 동안에 저는 편집중인 책의 디자인을 마무리하고있었어요. 캐나다 시민들이 책을 출판하고 무료 ISBN을 가질 수 있어요. 본질적으로 모든 사람이 출판사가되도록 장려합니다. 그래서 한 책을 출판 한 것은 이번이 두 번째이에요.

In the US, ISBNs are $125 for one number. They are cheaper when you buy them in bulk, but that seems to be more aimed towards small publishers than your regular joe who wants to turn his pdf into a physical book. In Canada, all that’s asked for publishers is that they register their books in the national database and, if possible, send a copy to be archived. This was actually my first motivation to publish a book many years ago, to leave a mark other than in galleries or online. People might forget me in a few years, but in an archive somewhere is a collection of my works which I’m probably too ashamed of and doesn’t represent my current works and tastes anymore. Forget children. A collection of my shameful drawings will be my legacy.

미국에서 ISBN은 한 번호 당 $ 125이에요. 대량으로 구입할 때 더 싸지만 PDF를 실제 책으로 바꾸고 싶은 사람들 보다 소규모 출판사를 대상으로하는 것 같아요. 캐나다에서 발행인에게 책을 국가 데이터베이스에 등록하고 할수 있으면, 사본을 보내면되요. 이것은 제 실제로 수년 전에 책을 출판하고 갤러리 나 온라인 이외의 다른 흔적을 남기려는 첫 번째 동기였어요. 몇 년 후에 사람들은 나를 잊을 수 있지만 아카이브 어딘가에는 내가 너무 부끄러워하고 더 이상 내 현재 작업과 취향을 나타내지 않는 내 그림들이 있을거에요. 아이들은 잊어라. 제 부끄러운 그림 모음집 이제 유산이 될 거예요.

Anyway, it is time I updated my awful works and have a new book published. This time, I’m working on a collection of my full-page busy drawings which I started last September. Last year was horrible, and if something could come out of the awfulness of 2020, it might as well be a small collection of my works.

어쨌든, 이제 제 끔찍한 그림들을 업데이트하고 새 책을 출판 할 때이에요. 이번에 작년 9 월에 시작한 전체 페이지의 바쁜 그림 모음을 중이에요. 작년은 끔찍했고 2020 년의 끔찍함에서 무언가 나올 수 있다면 제 그림들의 작은 컬렉션이 될 수도 있어요.

I don’t expect to get rich off of this, so I’m not yet firm on how I’m going to go about selling and marketing it. So far, I just want to finish it.

이것으로 부자가 될 것이라고 기대하지 않는데. 판매하고 마케팅하는 방법에 대해 아직도 확실하지 아니네요. 지금까지 끝내고 싶어요.

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Talking Art

I realized yesterday that my best friend, despite being an artist and a gallery owner, is incapable of talking about art. For sure, she can spend hours talking about her works and her self, but she is not the best person to talk to about art, artists, and anything creative. I’m not even sure if she’s interested in art history or anything in the past that could inspire her works. I remember giving her a couple of books about art and artists, sending her links about art, or even trying to talk about potential art concepts, but I can’t remember feeling any interest coming from her in return. If anything, I recall a couple of times being discouraged and just keeping things in the status quo when I tried to brainstorm ideas with her.

어제, 내 가장 친한 친구가 예술가이자 갤러리 주인이지만 그녀는 예술에 대해 이야기 할 능력이 없다는 것을 깨달았어요. 확실히 그녀는 자신의 에술과 자신에 대해 이야기하는 데 몇 시간을 할애 할 수 있지만, 그녀는 예술, 다른 예술가 및 창의적인 것에 대해 이야기하기에 좋은 사람은 아니에요. 그녀가 미술사에 관심이 있는지, 아니면 그녀의 영감을 줄 수있는 미술사에 관심이 있는지 모르겠어요. 그녀에게 예술과 예술가에 관한 책 몇 권을 주었던 기억에, 예술에 대한 링크를 보내거나 잠재적인 예술 개념에 대해 이야기하는것 하지만 그 대가로 그녀에게서 오는 관심을 느꼈던 기억이 없어요. 그녀와 아이디어를 브레인 스토밍하려고 할 때 몇 번 낙담하고 현상 유지를 유지했던 것을 기억해요.

She simply can’t or is just disinterested. We try talking about art, and then eventually we drift back to talking about her works, going through the same rote conversations.

단순히, 그녀는 할 수 없거나 무관심해요. 우리는 예술에 대해 이야기하고, 결국 그녀의 예술에 대해 이야기하며 제 귀에 못이 박히도록 같은 대화를하게되요.

Now, I know that this is not a prerequisite for all artists to follow, but it surely helps in guiding one’s work to know about art and be able to talk about them, and to be inspired by bigger artists. It instructs the artists not only with their style but also in how to see their own works. Is an artist painting the way Jackson Pollock painted in order to see the canvas in different directions and show movement? Or is the artist just doing it for pretty colors? Maybe an artist can start with the latter, but knowing who Pollock is and why he painted the way he did, an artist can move on to the former and beyond.

이것이 모든 에술가 따라야 할 전제 조건이 아니라는 것을 알고 있지만, 자신의 예술이 예술에 대해 알고 이야기하고 더 다른 유명한 예술가로부터 영감을받을 수 있도록지도하는 데 확실히 도움이될수 있어요. 예술가들에게 자신의 스타일뿐만 아니라 자신의 예술을 보는 방법을 가르쳐주어요. 캔버스에 다른 방향으로보고 움직임을 보여주기 위해 Jackson Pollock적 그린 그리는 예술가입니까? 아니면 예쁜 색들을 위해해요? 혹시 아티스트는 후자부터 시작할 수 있지만 Pollock이 누구인지고 그의 그린 방법 이유를 알면 아티스트는 너머로 이동할 수 있어요.

Anyway, I’m going to have to take my art conversations elsewhere.

어쨌든, 저는 다른 곳에서 미술 대화를해야 할 것이에요.

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Art to Go

I’ve been thinking of alternative ways of presenting art and making purchasing art more convenient and affordable for people. Or course making art cheaper is not for everyone, but I also think that sometimes art doesn’t have to be expensive nor an investment that should be hung on a wall. Sometimes, they can just be images to be admired. So I came up with what I would for now call “art to-go.”

Imagine art books with up to ten pages, or maybe a small collection of art prints, in an over-sized, sturdy envelope. The envelope is windowed, so the content can be seen from the outside, much like bills and other windowed envelopes work. The only difference in this case is that the window doesn’t have an opaque film over it. The edge of the envelope has a black border not so much to simulate a frame but to separate the envelope from the wall behind it should the whole envelope be hung. The back of the envelope would have a plastic attachment that would make hanging it like a picture frame possible.

Now, when someone enters the gallery, they can admire the works and simply purchase them off the wall and take it home the same day. The curator can simply replace them with another copy. Because they are all essentially packaged prints, with no expensive mats or frames, buying art is made cheaper.

As for the originals, that is up to the artist. Personally, I think they are inconsequential at this point because the “art” is the collection itself. They are essentially art books or art prints being sold in a gallery type of setting. Now, the gallery might lose out on commission by not selling framed originals, but they can more than make up for it by selling cheaper art prints.

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Things are coming along (the end of the world, that is).

As you can see, work on the ‘I Spy’ book is well on its way. This one is based on the Sistine Chapel ceiling. It also recounts the story of “The Twa Sisters,” an early murder ballad, a subgenre of music that fascinates me simply because it exists. Why do we have so many songs about dead women?!

There’s not much I could say that hasn’t already been said about Ruth Bader Ginsburg. God bless her soul. I’m Canadian, but I’m aware of how much of an impact she’s had on women’s rights in the United States. There’s also not much I can that’s hasn’t already been said about Republicans in the US Senate trying to quickly fill her seat in less than six weeks after they delayed for nine months and didn’t even bother having a hearing to consider President Barrack Obama’s nominee back in 2016. They’re going to try to put a lifetime appointed judge to heavily lean the courts into the conservatives’ favor for decades to come. They’ll do it before the election; and even if Trump loses, they can still do it during the lameduck session after the election. It’s hypocrisy of the highest order. But what I find more galling is the weakness that the Democrats are demonstrating at the moment.

There are several ways Democrats can delay the Republican-led US Senate from confirming whichever right wing zealot Trump nominates to replace the iconic titan that was Justice Ginsburg. It is amazing that Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi, in an interview with ABC, already gave up on one of the most reasonable things the Democrats can do, withhold budget negotiations and shutdown the government. No one wants to shutdown the government. Millions of people could potentially be hurt by such action, but the last time I checked, the government was already shutdown twice during Trump’s term, once over immigration and another over border wall funding. Essentially stealing the Supreme Court for the Republicans is more than enough reason to shutdown the government. A right wing court could strip the rights of workers, voters, unions, and women. It would be a gift to corporate interests as well as religious zealots.

Democrats could also impeach Trump a second time, not that there’s a lack of reason to do so. There’s campaign finance violations, violating the Hatch Act, conspiracy to corrupt the upcoming 2020 elections, advocating political violence, abuse of power by pardoning his crony Roger Stone, attacking the free press, or deadly incompetence in the face of the coronavirus. Putting up articles of impeachment would force the Republican-led Senate to take it on before any other business.

Other than these, they can also eliminate the filibuster or expand the Supreme Court to include more judges. Heck, appoint Hilary Clinton as a Supreme Court judge. She’s an excellent lawyer outside of her political career. That would drive the conservatives nuts, especially the Q-Anon types who believe she’s part of a pedophile Satan-worshiping cabal.

But so far, the only strong voice I hear from the Democrats comes from AOC who says that the death of Ginsburg should be radicalizing people at the moment. The day Justice Ginsburg died, I read Sen. Chuck Schumer “calls on Sen. Mitch McConnell” to withhold appointing her replacement. “Calls on?” He should be demanding it! Then we have Nancy Pelosi not only giving up one of her cards on a televised interview, she almost skips the problem as well as her active role in the process and just goes to the viewers and urges them to vote. Yes, people will vote. In the meantime, the Democrats don’t do anything about the Republicans stealing another Supreme Court seat. It is absolute weakness. It’s great to see tributes online and on television about the impact Ruth Bader Ginsburg has had on the judiciary and the lives of ordinary women, but tributes are a dime a dozen. That’s Instagram nonsense that doesn’t cost any political capital. What we have right now is abject weakness after the loss of someone so strong and courageous. Shame on the Democrats.

Continuing with politics, this time in Canada, RIP former Prime Minister John Turner. He only served for 80 days but he was still our leader for a time. He served right after the first Trudeau and was followed by Mulroney who famously instituted Canada’s Goods and Services Tax in the 90s. I didn’t know this, but John Turner became Prime Minister despite being born outside of Canada. Yes, us Canadians don’t limit our highest leadership exclusively to native-born Canadians.

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Filling the Page

FullPage

Someone asked me to fill an A4 page with images that I normally draw in my artwork. I understand they’re for tattoos, but the problem is, my images are a tad too small for tattoos. I decided to enlarge my usual imagery and use them to fill a page. I skipped using text; instead, I filled the negative space in order to obscure most of my images. The images are much, much bigger, but viewers still need to squint and look closer in order to wade through the chaos and see all of them.

The result is more frenetic than I initially expected. It’s very pulpy, much like Robert Crumb. But I still think it’s still quite similar to my usual style of work. For those looking, here are the things I managed to squeeze into the image:

The final moments of Elisa Lam

The Queen of England

Vivian Ward getting picked up by Edward Lewis (Snakes and Ladders)

The secret life of Vivian Ward (Snakes and Ladders)

Rising politician (Snakes and Ladders)

Gimp (Snakes and Ladders)

The noble raccoon

Alfred Hitchcock’s Rear Window

Bob Ross

Pikachu

Peak at you

The death of Osamu Dazai

The death of Tantalus

Bored nun (The problem with Mariaaaaaaaa!)

Hockey

Put the lotion in the basket

The birth of Venus

Confused Moses

Ultraman vanquishing evil

Dancing pallbearers

The Man from Another Place

Gord Downie dancing by the photocopier

The logdriver dancing so lightly

The Vetruvian Man

The fear of umbrellas poking my eyes out

Sumo wrestler

The Flying Nun

B-17 Flying Fortress

Surfing man

Skating man

Dragon reaching for the prize

The assassination of JFK

Cerberus

Hidden panties

The Apollo-11 launch

Shooting needle

St. Michael fighting a serpent

Cat person

Mahjong time

Prison tattoo machine

Gobbling meds

Octopus because there must always be tentacles

A creature from Bosch’s hell

The Devil

Dr. Strangelove

The Three Principles of Alchemy

Cool-Aid Man

Rats

Booby mermaid

The human digestive system

Voltes V

The noble deer

Smoking man watching everything

A family of giraffe

Waldo

Bigfoot

Cherubs

A centipede

Typhon the Titan

A murder

A birdcage

Dr. Pepper

An alligator

The piece was fun but I’ll probably go back to drawing small in my next piece. Ideas and commissions are always welcome since they tend to present me with problems which turn to opportunities for exploration into unfamiliar styles. Also, they tend to free me from the burden of artist’s block. The only problem is, the works sometimes tend to stray away into something a little too alien from my usual style.

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Dodgy History

Monster Base

Re-listening to Malcolm Gladwell talk about Brian Williams and how memory often distorts over time, I started thinking about how distorted my flashbulb memories are. One example I wrote about before was a picture of me on New Year’s Eve when I was six years old. My face was covered in smoke. For the longest time I thought it was me and I created this memory of me enjoying myself at that time. That is, until I started remembering that I was sick at that time and there was no way I could’ve been out celebrating New Year’s at that time.

Anyway, Gladwell mentioned that our memories of key historical events tend to distort even within a year’s time. And as an experiment, I would like to list a few historical moments that would probably be distorted or disputed once I read it again after a while. Our memories aren’t perfect. We often distort and unintentionally lie to ourselves. These lies become our truths.

-COVID-19: I had a pretty bad and/or uneventful Valentines day. I remember going to Korean class after work. A couple of days later, things got really hectic at work as we scramble to cope with the effects of the virus infection.

-Park Gun Hye: I didn’t want to go to any of the rallies because as a foreigner, I was technically in the country by the graces of the government. The protests were not my fight. I did go once. I remember watching Park Gun Hye leave her home on television when she finally got impeached.

-Umbrella Revolution: I remember meeting several students who were protesting what was happening in Hong Kong. Hong Kong is my favorite city ever. To this day, it still upsets me what the Chinese government and the Hong Kong police have turned such a dynamic place into.

-Donald Trump election: I was at work and was quite disappointed that Hilary didn’t win. I was following the Young Turks and MSNBC on Youtube. What a shitty day! The Chinese girl working next to me never talked to me once all that time I worked with her. This is why I never bothered remembering her name.

-Fukushima: I was home. I remember being disappointed that the release Yakuza: Dead Souls was postponed.

-Iraq Invasion: I had a roommate at the time and he was giddy at the prospect of watching Saddam’s military get utterly destroyed in a matter of days. “Shock and awe, baby!”

-9/11: I was getting ready to go to school when I saw the news on television. I had a CRT television in my room and I remember seeing smoke come out of the towers. I was wondering if I should go to school or if there was going to be school for a while. Then I remember it was everything people could talk about in class.

-Y2K: I was in Hong Kong waiting for the apocalypse to happen. The city would’ve been a great place for me to be stranded in. Sadly, nothing happened, and I had to fly back to Canada afterwards.

-Napster/file-sharing: I remembering illegally downloading Radiohead B-sides in weird formats. At the time, I was also trying out different programs to send text messages from the PC to cellphones. The first person to ever introduce me to t he Internet was Mr. Hanuscuck from our tech and woodworking class. He mentioned “surfing the Web,” and even back then, I thought the term was dated.

-Death of Princess Diana: I was in a van with my mom and dad picking up my sister as she gets off from a shift at a hospital. I heard it on the radio. We were on our way to have dinner somewhere. I remember thinking about those paparazzis chasing her as if it was a Mad Max scenario.

-Rise of the Internet: I remember being in a student conference about this in St. John’s Ravenscourt. Some girl across from me was flashing me with her skirt during a discussion about the Internet’s implication in the future.

-OJ Simpson not guilty: I was in an art class. A classmate of mine was doing a poll of the class minutes before the jury was to be announced. Even then, I knew he did it but was not impressed or could not follow the prosecution’s case. I said, “not guilty.”

-Soviet Union Collapse: I was in school. There were talks about the new countries that were bound to be born out of the event. Around that time, our teacher had us debate communism versus capitalism. I was on the side of communism.

-Nintendo: God bless my mom for buying us a Nintendo system. I remember being the luckiest kid ever when she came home with it. Our first game was Circus Charlie.

-AIDS epidemic: I remember reading extensively about this on National Geographic. There were also TV specials about it, but the magazine article stuck to me. Oddly enough, I don’t remember thinking it was a gay disease.

-EDSA Revolution: I don’t remember much about it, just mostly the songs. My father was and is a pro-Marcos guy. Politics was not often discussed at home. I recall a couple of days being thankful that he came home in one piece.

-Iran hostage crisis: I was coming home from school when I heard the news on the radio. I was eating the driest and crumbliest cookie ever. A neighbor kid gave them to me as an apology for inadvertently stabbing my hand the day before.

-End of the Vietnam War: I remember when it ended, my uncle, who is a veteran, had a lot of opinions about it. I was too young to get involved so I just ignored it and mostly played with his model airplanes and helicopters. It was the first time I got to thinking about small scale models.

-The Cuban Missile Crisis: I was visiting my grandfather and he had the TV on. I wasn’t too interested in it and neither was he. I remember him grumbling that it was mostly an American thing and something that Canada shouldn’t bother with. He was preparing lunch at the time and reheating/remoistening a bowl of rice by adding some water in it. I thought it was odd.

-George VI dies: I was babysitting a neighbor’s kid, Courtland, and he was climbing on to my shoulder while I was trying to read the newspaper. I remember thinking, “We’ll be seeing a lot of this new Queen.”

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Dog Whistles

Reyes_Joseph_Assiniboine_12inx14in

A friend of mine, Jordan Miller, is a gallery owner. She also rents out space for small events. Recently, a local wing of a political group rented her space for an upcoming meeting. She agreed and the meeting was scheduled.

Sometime later, she receives an e-mail warning her to cancel the event unless she wants a boycott of her business. The e-mail comes from Omar Kinnarath, an activist who appears to be quite active speaking against the alt-right. (I’m guessing from the alt-right’s point of view, that makes him antifa? Correct me if I’m wrong.)

My friend tells me about the situation and it doesn’t take much Googling to find out that the political party that rented her space was the People’s Party of Canada. It’s a party that was just created last year. About a week ago, several members of the party resigned after learning about racist members in the group. From what little I gather, it seems to be one of those typical libertarian types which unfortunately is a gateway to extreme rightwing politics. They want to privatize the postal service, have more private companies in the healthcare system, limit immigration, ease gun ownership, etc. They sound nuts.

Anyone would be smart to stay away from this group fresh from the controversy that they just had, especially if you’re a gallery that caters to an open community of artists.

Now, the PPC as well as their supporters are spinning the story that my friend has a “struggling gallery” and that she was “terrorized” by Omar Kinnarath into reneging on lending out her gallery space. They labeled Omar Kinnarath, who happens to be brown, as a “terrorist” and my friend, who happens to be a white woman, a “small woman” and a “young woman.” (Note the save-the-white-woman misogyny here.) Some guy with a video channel on Facebook hanging a Gadsden flag in his studio recounts the events and even says that my friend was “directly attacked.” There are so many racist dog whistles here that it’s hard to miss. I’m just glad she didn’t go to that guy’s poorly-lit basement for an interview.

The Winnipeg Free Press wrote a story about the whole thing, with the headline “Anti-racists labeled as ‘terrorists’ by the PPC.” And yeah, it is ironic that the PPC, being accused of being racists, accuses an activist who happens to be brown, a “terrorist,” thus showing their racist colors. People online are accusing those who oppose the PPC as being against free speech, but free speech does not give everyone the right to say anything at a private property. My friend’s gallery is her property and she exercised her will and her free speech by reneging on the agreement. Omar Kinnarath exercised his free speech by telling my friend that he will boycott her gallery if she associates with what appears to be an organization that has racist members.

The whole episode is unfortunate, and it’s sad that my friend, who couldn’t care less about politics, had to be dragged along with it. But here’s a few pointers moving forward:

-If racists are on your side, then you’re probably doing something wrong. If you’re against “anti-fascists,” then you’re probably doing something wrong as well. Yeah, I know, some members of antifa can be unruly, but stick to the topic. What-aboutism is a lazy argument.

-Privatizing the postal service is dumb. When was the last time you saved so much money on UPS? Privatization leads to citizens relinquishing things to private companies, NOT competition in a capitalist society (True capitalism doesn’t exist these days). At least if something is run by the government, leaders are still accountable to their voters. Large private companies couldn’t care less about their customers.

-The Gadsden flag has been adopted by racists, thus making it racist, just like the okay hand gesture. If racists think it’s cool, then maybe stop using it.

-Free speech is not ultimate. Any first year law textbook will tell you that it has limits. Free speech also doesn’t protect people from the consequences of their speech. If a previous action is offensive, then maybe I won’t be too open in allowing you to practice your free speech in my private property. It’s not that difficult to follow.

-I don’t really know much about the PPC, especially whether they truly have racist members, but judging from the whole interaction, I would guess they don’t mind tolerating racism among their ranks. A proper political party that truly cares for a multi-cultural community (and actually wants to win support) would have handled this situation better.

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Rainbows

Rainbow King2

I have not used color in my works for a long time. I’ve just made images in black and white, continually working with tentacles for almost over three years now. I’m still at it; I’m still going to continue with my current trend of works. Nothing has really compelled me to shift directions or to work on an entirely different set of works.

And no, the color is just there to shift both the mood of the image as well as my mood. I don’t think I’ll be incorporating much color to my future drawings. As I’ve mentioned about my works before, they are both visual diaries as well as a form of therapy for me. That’s probably the reason why I’m not too concerned about selling pieces. I’ve already derived some good out of them in the act of creating them. They’ve simply made the day more tolerable. And in this case, the rainbow is a nice little experiment. Seeing a rainbow makes people forget their problems and depression for a second. Just like Christmas, it’s like we’re all pre-conditioned to states of childhood innocence whenever we see an actual rainbow. It’s almost like a universal symbol of happiness and good that has yet to be corrupted. Even homophobes cannot fully divorce themselves from the joy of seeing a rainbow despite the rainbow flag being adopted by the gay community.

Colors and rainbows are simply good. Stare at the rainbow and you won’t notice the poor soul being waterboarded in the corner.

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