Still here, in the office.
Just realized that many places in the world look the same at 5 in the morning.
Off to Canada soon. I probably won’t be updating for a few days or so. My sister is getting married. It would be good to see her as well as the rest of my family as well. It’s one of those rare opportunities when we all get to be together, especially since my family’s scattered all over North America. It’s a shame that my family and closest friends can’t be my neighbors as well. Even as I go back, a couple of my friends are in Europe, other parts of Canada, or simply missing.
One of the biggest highlight though (aside from my sister getting married to an awesome dude) is that I’ll be seeing my best friend, Jordan (http://www.jordanlmiller.com/). I haven’t seen her forever, but she’s always been there to pour my troubles to, and vice versa. I’m going to be spending an unhealthy amount of time with her, but I don’t think that would cover the amount of time I’ve been absent.
My wife however is worried about how cold Winnipeg is. Fragile thing, she gets cold easily. I, on the other hand, am excited to once again experience real winter. The last time I experienced proper winter with proper snow was a few years ago in Sapporo. The place was almost like Winnipeg. Anyway, the cold will give her a good excuse to go nuts shopping for winter apparel.
After this trip, I don’t when I’ll come back to Canada or whether I’ll ever settle back. A part of me will always want to be back, or be all Neil Young and settle in Alberta (weather there’s good in the fall), but there’s always other places to visit, be it North America or wherever. Things are just harder when you’re an adult and you’ve got a family to worry about. Tickets are expensive, you could spend the money somewhere else, starting life in another place can be difficult, all of my family are scattered… there are so many things to consider, it could be maddening. In any case, I’m hoping it won’t be too long before I go back home again.
Home!!! Canada!!! Home!!!
Why do I keep waking up at 4:44 am? I set up my alarm for 5:40 am, but for at least three nights in the past week, I’ve been waking up at 4:44 am. My wife is kinda creeped out with the idea, with Koreans thinking that 4 is the number of death and 4:44 being the worst time to wake up in the morning. She seriously thinks that it’s the stuff of nightmares, that maybe it’s an evil omen of sorts. But I’m just annoyed that I’m not getting a proper night’s rest. Either that or I’m developing the bladder of an old man.
Talking about the Asian fear of the number 4 (You don’t see it in elevators here. The fourth floor is signified by F)… or really, the primal fear of death, I’m not sure if I’m quite there yet. I fear pain, sure. I’m a coward for pain. But I’m not so sure if basically not existing is something to fear about. Fearing not existing in the world, seems a tad selfish and narcissistic to me. Don’t get me wrong, being alive is great. It’s awesome. At the very least, it’s better than being smothered in earth. I’m also not saying I don’t fear death. But life can get tiresome sometimes. Routine living can be dreadful, and maybe the end isn’t so bad, you know… when you get to hang out with all the cool dead people, or maybe have angel sex or something… whatever floats your boat. It’s just that the gateway to eternal bliss, or whatever it may be, is often precluded by a tremendous amount of pain. The song “Old Man River” should go, “I’m tired of living, but scared of the horrible pain that precludes eternal peace.” That’s why horror movies are often all shrieks, blood, and gore. Dying is often portrayed as painful and horrific, and we’re all scared to watch it. We’re not conditioned to be scared to watch people dying, after all, Clint Eastwood murdered Hilary Swank in that film, and no one has nightmares about that and wakes up at 4:44 am, all scared and sweaty. But people are afraid of experiencing pain prior to dying. I’ve yet to see a horror movie with a villainous specter that gets its victims to die peacefully in their sleep.
Now some might say that the fear of death is basically the fear of the unknown. I don’t know about that. I’m not sure if people truly fear the unknown. That’s why people gamble, or get married, or have kids, or move to another country, job, etc. People don’t really fear the unknown so much. Humans are driven by curiosity, the curiosity for the unknown. It’s the horrible pain that people might potentially be subjected to (especially during death)… that’s the unknown people fear.
I’m rambling. But that’s what I got to thinking about at 4:44 am today.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone (in Canada, that is)! Thank God for rainbows and general happy times.
And speaking of holidays. We seriously need to get over the mythology on Columbus (in the US, that is). He was a conqueror who got really lucky. And while we’re at it, we have to be a bit better with Native Americans and their culture. Halloween is coming up, and you know it’s coming… sexy Native American costumes (along with everything else).
Now I’m no prude. I don’t mind sexy nurses, sexy cops, heck, even sexy school girl uniforms (despite the pedophilic argument), etc. But didn’t Christopher Columbus and his women rape these women back then? And despite the misappropriation of Native American culture for any purpose, be it football franchises, media portrayal, etc. becoming a norm, it’s a bit harder to take the sexualization of Native American culture lightly, especially after reading a book or two about the subject. There’s a reason why the word “squaw” remains highly offensive.
I’ve just been included in a local artist group, http://www.pank.kr/index.html. There’s barely any details aside from a name and a few images (not even a link to my site). I’m just glad it mentions I’m a Canadian artist and not a Korean (not that I would ever be mistaken for one). Artist groups are good. It saves you a bit of time from hustling and finding galleries on your own. It’s also a good way to network and meet other artists and gallery owners.
I remember starting a local artist group years ago. I set up a show and everything. I ended up doing most of the work. Now I didn’t mind it at all, as long as the works I was given to display were decent. The problem is, they weren’t. And I ended up feeling like I was selling work for others, amateur works that could never be sold. Laziness and lack of participation can be forgiven. Lack of talent, not so much. Not to toot my own horn, but I was tempted to show just my works and another artist’s. Leave everyone else out. But that wouldn’t be fair; after all, the other artists were bringing some of their friends in for the opening. That ended up being the first and last show I had with the group. I didn’t want to associate my name with them anymore… not that my name really means anything. I guess what I learned is that if you’re going to join a group, make sure you respect at least half of the other members’ works in it. And if you’re going to start a group, don’t just take everyone who calls themselves an “artist.”